my only resolutions? i guess? for the year are to be happier and less embarrassed about having interests. like that is literally why i made this thing instead of refurbishing my tumblr or something.
i've always been a reserved person, even as a kid; isolated both mentally and emotionally. the internet was a great place for me to let my personality expand and make real friends. i was very openly passionate about the things that mattered to me, and it fueled a lot of my creativity.
for reasons i'm still trying to unpack, that changed, especially over the last decade. my mental health got worse, i had a couple of bad fallouts that sort of left a mark on me. it was like a lot of the worst things i had internalized about myself and compartmentalized for my own survival started to bleed into the safe spaces i'd carved for myself online. i felt annoying and cringe and like i didn't deserve to be perceived. i stopped engaging openly with media, i stopped drawing, i stopped letting myself make stories.
this website is a resounding fuck you to that.
fuck right off with that. i want to enjoy things again, and i want to post about it. so i'm starting small, in a space where i can post whatever i want and i don't have to know if anyone is looking at it if i don't want to. it'lls be like physical therapy for my fragile little pissbaby ego or something. i'm going to dump my stupid unfinished sketches here, ramble about my OCs and my progress with solorpg, get really weird about the books i read and the games i play. whatever.
with any luck, i'll still be here in a year.
but like, in a "maintaining the website" way, not in an existential way. not my kind particular brand of baggage, thank god.